you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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