do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
