Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
