I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
