you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
