I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
