yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
