I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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