im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
