You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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