i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
