remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
