did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
