I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
