I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
