I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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