i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The power of my boobs compel you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
