All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
