I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
