Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
