The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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