so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
