so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Randomize
