guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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