if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
