...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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