i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
