I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
