I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
