I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
