i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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