I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
