We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
