we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
