Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
