New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
