If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
