we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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