Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
