NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
