Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
