K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
