I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
