i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
