The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
