they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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