If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
