Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
