Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
