I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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