Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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