my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
