I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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