We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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