I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
