i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
