Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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