I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
